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Why You Can't Get Over Your Ex (& what to do)

Uncategorized Jul 22, 2019

How many times have you asked yourself, "Why can't I get over my ex? I don't even like him anymore."

  • You ask this question of yourself.
  • You ask this question of your friends.
  • You ask this question of your therapist.

The best answer you get is, "You will. It takes time to heal."

Pain does take time to heal. No one (unfortunately) can tell you just how long time will take for you to heal. The time seems...well...up to the Gods. If you could appeal to the Gods, you would certainly ask them to cut you some slack and speed up the timing. After all, you have a life to live.

However, time is not the reason you can't get over your ex. And no matter how long you force yourself to get over your ex, you can't seem to.

The reason you can't get over your ex is simple: you keep thinking about your ex and reliving the emotional experience over and over and over and over and over again. One thought leads to another thought, and those thoughts lead to more thoughts and so on and so on. Before you know it, you have been thinking about your ex for longer than you care to admit. You prolong the misery of your experience with your ex when you add words to your thoughts. How? By talking about his shenanigans to others, like:

  • How belittled you felt when he called you a basket case...in front of your children
  • How betrayed you were when he cheated on you and blamed you
  • How angry you felt when he moved a large sum of money from one account to another and conveniently forgot to tell you
  • How violated you felt when he put his hands on you
  • How angry you felt when he used the family funds to support his drug addiction
  • How pissed off you felt every time he put his needs ahead of yours
  • How neglected you felt when he would rather watch TV than talk to you
  • How invisible you felt when he wouldn't even look up from his paper to acknowledge your presence

I know how you feel. I get it. I know it sucks for you.

It's time to move on and get over your ex. There is a life of happiness, waiting to be birthed inside of you.

Try this ONE tip to help you get over your ex. It's from the book The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins :

Whenever you think about your ex and find yourself feeling those same ole feelings:

  1. STOP YOURSELF
  2. COUNT BACKWARDS AND SAY, "5,4,3,2,1 NEW THOUGHT"
  3. IMMEDIATELY FIND A NEW THOUGHT (like a sweet memory or something you are looking forward to)

Let's practice:

You are sitting in your car waiting at a traffic light. You see a man and a woman standing on the curb, gesturing as if they are in an argument. The man is pointing his finger at the woman. You get triggered remembering your ex used to do the same thing. You have an emotional rush. The light turns green. You speed off and with your heart racing a bit. You decide to call your girlfriend, Erica, to tell her what you just saw and how it reminds you of the crap Daniel used to do. Then, you remember this article and you:

  1. STOP YOURSELF from calling Erica and put down the cell phone
  2. COUNT BACKWARDS by saying, "5,4,3,2,1 NEW THOUGHT"
  3. IMMEDIATELY think about how nice it will be when you spend time with your daughter this weekend.

Why this tip? Because it's a simple, short-cut brain hack. You gotta understand how to hack your brain to work for you rather than against you when your thoughts and feelings are running the show.

Smile and repeat this tip every single time (how often did I suggest?) you have thoughts about your ex. Before you know it, you will look up, and the painful memories of being with him will be a distant one. Time will have flown by.

I invite you to practice this tip.

Lean into the discomfort of the practice.

Remember that you get a return on every investment you make in your personal growth.

 

 

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