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Don't Let The One Thing Holding You Back, Hold You Back

Uncategorized Jul 31, 2019

So, what's holding you back?

What's holding you back from:

  • Finding the love of your life?
  • Accepting the love you already have?
  • Asking for that promotion, you know you deserve?
  • Asking for whatever you want?
  • Forgiving your ex-spouse for his infidelity?
  • Making your well-being a priority?
  • Calling a friend to say, "I'm sorry"?
  • Launching that new career or new business?
  • Wrapping your arms around your child and telling him how much you love him?
  • Investing in your happiness?
  • Admitting you need the support of others?
  • Forgiving yourself for the decisions you made that didn't quite work out?
  • Addressing your addiction?

Want to know what's holding you back?

According to author Raphael Cushnir, the one thing holding you back is resisting your feelings. The one thing holding you back is refusing to feel, refusing to allow your emotions to deliver their message to you. The one thing holding you back is not healing because you don't want to feel unpleasant emotions.

When you refuse to feel, you cannot heal.

How to not let what's holding you back, hold you back

It's simple but not easy: FEEL...go ahead...FEEL. Yes, feel upset, pissed off, sad, disconnected, lonely, frustrated, rejected, happy (yes, even happy). Feel what you feel and welcome it (as you would a guest in your home). Then identify where that feeling shows up in your body (throat? neck? stomach? cheeks? chest? Emotions show up in the body...somewhere. That's how they make themselves known).

Turn your attention to your body. Where in your body do you feel the sensation? Rather than reject or ignore the sensation, place your hand on that body part and feel. As you stay with the feeling, the feeling will lose its strength and any power it had holding you back from what you desire and deserve. When you feel what you feel and honor your emotions, the stress of life and relationships diminishes. Feeling good about yourself and your ability to manage what comes your way increases.

After reading this book, I understood the one thing holding me back. That one thing was resisting feeling not good enough. That resistance kept me from admitting to people that I need friendship and camaraderie, that I need to be needed. This resistance caused conflict in my marriage and divorce. I didn't want to feel this feeling. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing. Where "not good enough" shows up in my body is in the pit of my stomach.

Feeling not good enough was the biggest barrier to my happiness since I was a little girl. So what did I do with this feeling? What was my way of resisting it? I ignored it by keeping busy, complaining about other's behavior, over-supervising my kids, binging on TV, shopping, eating, drinking. In fact, the biggest resistance I put up was in my PRETENSE.  I pretended that I had it all together and really didn't need people to call me, visit me or tell me they cared about me. I acted like I knew it all and had it all together. No help required! Thank you very much.

And, what a facade! 

Not so much anymore. I have taken some big, yet simple actions to ride this "not good enough" feeling that shows up in the pit of my stomach (and it still shows up to this day, but I know how to ride it well now):

  • Inviting people (new and old) into my home for fun and fellowship.
  • Joining a mastermind group of women who genuinely care about what matters to me.
  • Accepting as genuine when friends and acquaintances ask to connect with me.
  • Writing and publishing a book so others can learn from my emotional mistakes and victories.
  • Choosing to recover after my divorce and move on with a life of my creation.
  • Admitting my need for other's love and attention.

Emotions are part of the human experience.  We will experience a range of comfortable and uncomfortable feelings for as long as we are alive. If you want to be fully alive, don't let the one thing holding you back (keep) holding you back.


To feel is to heal.


Take a bold, yet simple action step:

Get the book, The One Thing Holding You Back, by Raphael Cushnir.


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